remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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