I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
