Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
