You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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