so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
