Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
