Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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