Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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