Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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