Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
