Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
