There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
