WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
