She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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