I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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