hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
