Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I cut my penus on the lid.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
