Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
