I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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