I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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