Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
