you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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