pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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