isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
