my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
