so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
