I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
