I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
