Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
