found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
