wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
