Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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