Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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