he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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