I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
