the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
