just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
