her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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