Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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