The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
