Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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