How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
