U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
