I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
