i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
