omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
