Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
