she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
