she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
