So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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