This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
