Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
