No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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