this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
