He uses pillows to masturbate.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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