You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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