i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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