Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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