Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
