Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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